Top 10 Things Wives Want From Their Husbands
Everyone wants to be affirmed. Everyone wants to know they are loved. The best ways to say “I love you” are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways like an unexpected hug or holding hands when you walk together.
The best ways to say “I love you” to your partner are usually in simple, everyday, seemingly unimportant ways. Leo Buscaglia, who wrote and taught about love, said: “Words and deeds that say ‘You enrich my life’ go on forever.”
Here are some suggestions on how to say “I love you” so that your love for one another goes on forever.
- Make sure you say “I Love You” at least once each day to your spouse.
- Write unexpected love notes. Suggestions on Where to Leave Love Notes
- When your spouse asks for a favor, consider saying “as you wish.”
- Give your mate an unexpected hug, a surprisingly romantic kiss, or a teasing tickle often.
- Be spontaneous and surprising with winking at each other, whisking your spouse away for an unexpected weekend alone, star-gazing together, taking a walk in the rain with one another.
- Share memories by looking at old photographs and talking about memories you share together.
- Schedule a day to just be leisurely together.
- Share why you love your spouse.
- Give the gift of your time by doing chores for your spouse that your spouse doesn’t like to do, such as folding the clothes, running an errand, washing the car, etc.
- Don’t forget anniversaries and birthdays.
- Blow a kiss from across the room.
- Serve breakfast in bed. Video: How to Make Breakfast in Bed
- Dance with your spouse in your own living room.
- Hold hands.
- Plan and cook a meal together.
- Say I love you in a different language.
There will be days when your wife will make mistakes or when she will be difficult to be around. No one is perfect. She both wants and deserves your willingness to understand and forgive her. Remember that no relationship can be sustained without forgiveness.
Being able to forgive and to let go of past hurts is a critical tool for a marriage relationship. Additionally, being able to forgive is a way to keep yourself healthy both emotionally and physically.
Health Aspects of Forgiving
If you hold on to old hurts, disappointments, petty annoyances, betrayals, insensitivity, and anger, you are wasting both your time and your energy. Nursing a perceived hurt can eventually make it in to something more – hate and extreme bitterness.
Lack of forgiveness can wear you down. Additionally, being unforgiving is not good for either your physical and mental well being.
How to Forgive
- Be open.
- Make a decision to forgive your spouse.
- When images of the betrayal or hurt flash in your mind, think of a calming place or do something to distract yourself from dwelling on those thoughts.
- Don’t throw an error or mistake back in your spouse’s face at a later date. Don’t use it as ammunition in an argument.
- Don’t seek revenge or retribution. It will only extend the pain.
- Accept that you may never know the reason for the transgression.
- Remember that forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the hurtful behavior.
- Be patient with yourself. Being able to forgive your spouse takes time. Don’t try to hurry the process.
- If you continue to be unable to forgive, or you find yourself dwelling on the betrayal or hurt, please seek professional counseling to help you let go and forgive.
How to Ask for Forgiveness
- Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you’ve caused.
- Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.
- Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.
- Be open to making amends.
- Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don’t dismiss your spouse’s feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to “get over it.”
Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven.
No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.
Knowing When Enough is Enough
If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your marriage. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.
Don’t let your conversations with your wife dwindle to nothing but talk about your kids, your jobs, and the weather. If that happens, your marriage relationship could be in real trouble.
Think back to when the two of you were dating one another. Did you have times when you had nothing to say to one another? Probably not.
When a couple reaches the point of not having anything to say to one another, their marriage is in serious trouble. Here are some tips on why conversation in a marriage is so essential, and topics to talk about.
Andre Maurois, French novelist and essayist, wrote, “A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short.”
Most folks don’t marry someone they can’t talk with. A good conversation is when you are both contributing to the conversation. When you are having a good conversation with your spouse, you are both giving each other your undivided attention.
Conversation fills many needs:
- To be connected to another.
- To have your feelings and thoughts heard and respected.
- To learn new things.
- To sort through issues and problems.
- To discuss and explore solutions.
- To reach an understanding of one another.
- Your spouse’s hobbies or other interests.
What to Talk About:
- Plans for a future trip together.
- Memories of your childhoods.
- Movies or television shows.
- Things you would like to experience or places you would like to visit.
- Something you learned during the day or something you did differently or new that day.
- Discuss your thoughts and feelings about the day.
- Ask some questions that begin with “if you could”, or “Have you ever”, or “do you believe.”
Although the news, weather, kids, jobs, money, household chores, health issues, in-laws, friends, etc. are all important topics that the two of you need to talk about, don’t let them be the main focus of your conversations with each other
Having quality time with your wife and kids isn’t something that just happens. You have to make it happen by not only making the plans but by following through. Time with those you love has to be a high priority for you.
Don’t let your job or the kids or volunteer work or time with friends and extended family interfere with your marriage.
Many couples today find that being married doesn’t guarantee that they will have quality time with one another. If you are both busy, you have to plan to spend time together. Here are some ideas.
Time Required: Varies
- Schedule a weekend just for the two of you. Write it on your calendar, put it on your computer planner, etc. Don’t change it for any other event. You don’t have to go anywhere.
- Have lunch together once a week. On nice days, meet in a park.
- Let your children know that you two need time alone together. Tell them they can knock on your closed bedroom door only if there is blood.
- Walk around the block together.
- Do chores together like the dishes or weeding. It may not sound like quality time, but it can be.
- When you are running errands together, turn off the radio or CD player in the car and talk with one another.
- Take showers together.
- Spend 20 minutes a day in daily dialogue.
- Arrange for a quiet evening at home alone once a month.
- Hire a babysitter to watch the kids for a couple hours even though you are home. This works wonders!
- Work out a deal with another couple to have them watch your kids overnight so you can have a romantic evening alone … then you watch their children for them.
- Schedule dates with one another. Having an evening or afternoon out together twice a month is a good beginning.
- Volunteer to be a presenting couple on Marriage Encounter, Retrouvaille or Engaged Encounter weekends.
- When you travel together, don’t take work on the plane or road trip. Spend that time talking with each other.
- Have a one night stand with each other.
- Bottom line: if you don’t schedule time for one another, you won’t have the time.
What You Need:
- A Calendar
5. Financial Security
She needs to know that there will enough money to pay the bills plus a little left for comfort and pleasure. Being responsible with money is big plus in a woman’s eye. It is great idea to plan when it comes to money. This includes having a budget that takes into account all the living expenses plus saving for birthdays and holidays.
It’s really disheartening for a wife to share her thoughts and feelings with her mate and then realize that he didn’t actually listen to her. Your wife wants you to not only listen with your ears, but to listen with your heart. Listening requires you asking relevant questions to show you are interested.
To become a more effective listener, try some of these techniques:
- Be aware that you need to listen. Make eye contact. Pay attention by not looking at the TV or glancing at the newspaper or finishing up a chore.
- Don’t interrupt. Let your spouse finish what they are saying. If this is a problem and you interrupt a lot, place your hands over your mouth, or you chin in your hands to remind you to keep quiet.
- Try not to jump to conclusions. Keep an open mind and don’t judge. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes. Be loving as you listen and don’t overly react. Think before you say anything in response, especially if it is an emotional reaction.
- Don’t look for the “right” or “wrong” in what your spouse is saying. Just listen.
- When responding, let your partner know that you heard what they said by using a feedback technique and restating what was said. Say something like You are saying you ….
- Be open to hearing that you didn’t hear what your spouse was saying.
- Be aware of non-verbal signs and clues – both yours and those of your mate. These include shrugging your shoulders, tone of voice, crossing arms or legs, nodding, eye contact or looking away, facial expressions (smile, frown, shock, disgust, tears, surprise, rolling eyes, etc.), and mannerisms (fiddling with papers, tapping your fingers)
- Remember that feelings are neither right or wrong.
- Look out for these blocks to listening: mind reading, rehearsing, filtering, judging, daydreaming, advising, sparring, being right, changing the subject, and placating.
- Remember, that you can’t listen and talk at the same time!
- Try to stay focused on the main points that your spouse is talking about. Don’t be distracted if your mate digresses onto another topic.
- It’s ok to ask questions to clarify what you thought you heard.
- Don’t give advice unless asked for it.
- Listen without planning on what you are going to say in response. Let go of your own agenda.
How often do you say “please” or “thank you” or give your spouse an unexpected kiss? Unfortunately, some married couples forget that being kind and affectionate to one another are keys to a successful marriage.
- You say “yes” a lot more than “no” when your spouse asks for a favor or for help.
- You are willing to share that last piece of pie or cookie because being kind is being generous.
- You listen with your heart.
- You don’t interrupt your spouse.
- You are polite and say “please” and “thank you” when speaking to your spouse.
- You don’t think it is old fashioned to open a heavy door for your spouse or to share your jacket if your mate is shivering.
- You show respect for your mate.
- You let your spouse know how much he/she is appreciated.
- You don’t roll your eyes when your spouse says something you disagree with or something you think is trivial or boring.
- You routinely look for the good in your spouse.
- You are helpful.
- You don’t allow unkind comments to flow from your lips.
One of the main reasons couples fight is conflict over who is doing what around the house. Chores and child care are not the sole responsibility of your wife. She shouldn’t have to ask you to do your share around the house.
Don’t fuss about your wife taking a day off several times a month. This means that she will be free from worrying about what is happening with the kids, the house, the pets, and you. She deserves this break in her schedule and she needs to provide it for herself to be emotionally and physically healthy.
Many men are notorious for not taking care of themselves when it comes to health issues. This isn’t fair to your wife. She is your lover not your mother. Take responsibility for your own health concerns. Plan to be fit and a healthy weight for your height. If you have suspicions about a health problem go to the doctor don’t ignore it.