Learn about love & romance

loving yourself


Explanation of this Blog revisited. Colour blocks Keys explanation first.

key: The green blocks are what I originally posted in 2020 and the image of the child.

key: White Blocks are additional enhancements made 05/2024 to the original post about loving yourself. My advise is you to read green and white blocks in order. Then go and read the blue which are more about me rather than reflective content. I left it in this order as its how actually wrote this revision.

Key: Blues blocks are a blurb about me and my the wider sense of why I write and what I want you to understand about my process and my purpose in being the primary author of most of the content you read. 05/2024. The Disclaimer is I research a lot and don’t always keep track of the source but if I copy any thing verbatim I acknowledge the original author or web source. I try to honour the source within my text. By attributing quotes etc. Mine is not a perfect science or referenced scholarly endeavour. Skip and skim as you like 🙂

Loving yourself, others and Life you have

A re-introduction of my purpose in writing this BLOG. I may even VLOG but you won’t see a polished or sanitised version of slick professionalism. You will experience my heart-songs, what I meditate on to fuel my one life I live on this small blue dot (marble) in a big universe.

This is revision of a post just titled ‘loving yourself’ from July 2020. I wrote this during the Covid experience. The original post will remain in the archives.

I am opening up and sharing more of myself as I return to authoring this blog which I began before Blogging and Influencers was fashionable or a thing. (I began this blog in 2011 before the cloud was storage talked about, after 2 years of posting regularly and as time allowed I was somewhat put off by the overuse of blogging and vlogging.) Some of my posts were very popular in the numbers that were reasonable back then. These days most bloggers are doing it because they are trying to get a following to sell or promote something. I have been quiet for a while, a smaller voice in a very big pool. Not an expert or promoting the next best thing about to land on the shore of the great ocean or web that is the internet.

AI has landed sitting front and centre in WordPress trying to grab my attention with suggestions to bullet point and use a 3rd person professional approach. In fact I’ve ignored the AI suggestions to bullet point and use 3rd person professional approach sorry AI, and the listy administrator who wants a quick get the practical point blog. (I might do a linked blog post that follows that format but no promises as I am human and I might not get to it for some reason that I can’t quite see now. ( I know AI will do it for me in nano-seconds so easy just to approve and schedule the post. I will attribute the editing to AI so you will know its a mash up of my thoughts in a different script, tone and melody).I did decide to go the share a bit more about why I’m creating this content. Thank you AI for that suggestion now you have set me free to write more of my vision and purpose from now on for a while I’m planning to ignore you most of the time by not clicking on you just like the Meta AI that is popping up on other social media spaces to try rewrite edit out our words so they are more sensible and logical. Sorry AI and the listy administrator who wants a quick get the practical point blog. ( I might do a linked blog post that follows that format but no promises as I am human and I might not do it for some reason that I can’t quite see now.) I did decide to go the share a bit more about why I’m creating this content. Thank you AI! I’m now planning to ignore you most of the time by not clicking on you just like the Meta AI that is popping up to try and tempt me to edit to fit under certain styles of post. I am a believer in the uniqueness of each of us and each voice can be very valuable to the story of life and humanity.

So AI I salute you for all you show us, but I will still follow my own thoughts based on my belief in loving benevolent God

So search engines which have been around for longer than they have had the label Artificial Intelligence. AI/ SEO and BOT crawling bastions you are a resource. The internet of linked things, a WEB of promotions, bargains and scams. You are relied upon for everyday life but you are not the source of wisdom or intelligence. Not “a fount of wisdom” but more a place of information and mis-information.

You are robots that make cars and perform surgeries at the programming behest of humans. You are faster than the imagined superheroes and Gods of Mythology. You would be deemed as magic and devilish by prior generations of many religions

I will go to actual libraries and walk in the park and up mountains. I will swim in the sea and lakes, breath in clean air and watch clouds form and reform around geological and man-made structures.

I will marvel at the dawn colours and the Sun as it tries to dazzle when in breaches the horizon. I will contemplate its sinking below on the western side of day. As colour changes from light, to grey, to midnight ink.

I will sink into a soft evening and contemplate a day spent on seeking wisdom, sharing love, serving from a place of gratitude and an overflowing cup. Sharing from a place of giving to bless, rather than from place of lack and greed. Giving from the heart that will open

I am a voice for the human that still resides in the heart that beats inside all of us. I look at AI suggestions but at this point I don’t follow the suggestions and I will always warn you if I use it for more than spell check and to improve some grammar.

(I write usually with antipodean English not very American and I am not Amercian I am an mostly English speaking with smattering of all sorts of other languages ( That’s English right a mash up of a lot of European languages, but where I live in the land of the Long White Cloud, Aotearoa AKA New Zealand we also speak some Te Reo Maori and Eurasian English, we are melting pot of cultures and languages a young land still creating a clear and defined culture of our own) but it does creep in occasionally as the world becomes more generic in the it way it relates, I like a lot of American spellings I am a fan of the Z ((Such as specialize rather than specialise and because the version with S appears with a red squiggly line under it I sometimes just leave it because I’m not sure which version of English will win I suspect the battle will be fought in the realm of programmers and AI land where most things I use in the computing world default to American English).) And just to prove I am human I will leave mistakes of spelling and grammar sometimes because I like the way it reads or expresses a tricky concept.

So I’m probably going to stay somewhere in the radical space where I remain open and honest in my blogging. I will examine my motives and reasons. I will not try to judge or compare or use this platform to devalue anyone.

I still believe sharing thoughts and ideas to interact on is valuable. (You are not required to interact it is totally ok if you follow to just see what I’m looking at.) I want it to be a support on the journey of loving life and a journey of discovery and growth. (I also get excited if people to comment from their unique perspective. I just ask that you are kind, polite and supportive. I don’t want conspiracy or doomsday dialogue. I don’t want stuff that generates destructive debate.) My idea is to add good, to help and to serve to inspire, to encourage.

I still follow the process of romance but not just in our primary relationship with our mate. Let’s find romance in all parts of our lives. The strength from which romance flows is a love of life, love of others and love of finding the precious and beautiful moments in every day. There is divine aspect in the way we show up every day. Regardless of what you believe you carry an influence into to every day, every place and every person you spend time with. Some one asked me once “you colour the world, are you an artist?” and I said ‘no’. But on reflection we are all artists that paint our days with the colours that are in our souls.

Loving all of yourself can be challenging. You might be able to say I love this about me but not that. You might say I will love me when I achieve this.

For my own life I see that I’m a creative which is why I write this blog. I have a scientific enquiring mind and love researching the solid and also the esoteric stuff. I create my own philosophy on life and skills to live it, after observation and my own personal experiences. I know I don’t have all the answers but I have learnt from others and life events that come my way. I know I complicate things in my searching/researching phase and get easily distracted but after the work of finding out from multiple sources I try to boil things down to simple ideas that are often challenging first to myself. I first posted this in 2020 but I’m updating it because the message is still powerful and important.

I love the way my mind chases out the goodness and gold, but struggle with the distractions of more information as I have a mind that is a sponge. At the end of the process I often need to rinse the sponge and get rid of the rubbish junky stuff. My faith in a loving God and the goodness that I see human beings continues to spur me on to believe loving yourself is the first stop on journey to having a positive impact self and others. You show up with a full tank of love to share.

I’m going to ask you to try something. Love yourself unconditionally now, wholeheartedly. Those bits you don’t want to love, love them anyway. Smile and say some awe inspiring words to yourself. Bless yourself with positive words like ‘ I’m beautiful inside and and out. I’ve been designed just right. I love who I am. I’m worth more than I could ever imagine.’

Have you ever noticed little children. They know the world revolves around them. They are fearless. They think they can do anything. They are beautiful. They don’t check themselves in the mirror to see the faults, they see themselves and they just light up, you know they love themselves.

I see you: clever mirror play for baby | Mum's Grapevine

Start everyday by being thankful for who you are.

The blue blocks is my peripheral musings that give you an insight into my minds weaving travel through explaining, introducing and reintroducing myself to you.

30 Years


In less than a month we celebrate 30 years of marriage. I believe it is so important to celebrate, to reflect and to be grateful. We have been through more rough patches that I want to think about. But in the crucible we have learnt and grown. I am now able to embrace the challenges of living with chalk while I am cheese. We have learnt to listen and understand rather than react and defend. We have learnt it is important to take time out for two. We have learnt to date after many years of excuses. A powerful tool we have also acted on is searching for gold; we see the best in each other and bless each other with words that reveal that.

We love adventure and travelling to exotic places, this year with borders closed that is difficult. We will find the fun closer to home. Please share here your best tips for a happy relationship.

30 years ago. How time flies!

So we like adventure, paragliding was definitely a rush. Enjoyed the heli to the snow as well. Will let you know what we get up to in a couple of weeks for our anniversary.


Find out what they love.

Then do it for them

Focus fully on them

That’s it


Relationship House


7 Foundational understandings to build a resilient relationship. We look at each of these over the coming posts.

Relationship Revolution


So I’ve just finished running a relationship course.

It was lots of fun. I enjoyed researching and putting together the presentations. We shared stories from our own journey and collated lots of good wisdom.

I hope the group that attended will find their relationships enriched by what they have learnt.

Looking for more opportunities to share the teachings.

Love notes


body chocolate? Not sure about that.

Make your love note a little sexy by putting a lipstick kiss on it. leave it on his pillow.


The most important tip be 100% committed to the dating process.

  1. Set aside a time to date. Put it in your diary or calendar. This time is inviolable. Nothing takes precedence over this time. Only by agreement does the date move. Better to move the date than cancel.
  2. Do your research. Great idea is to have a brainstorm together. Get a whiteboard or online planner. Write all date ideas down. A great resource.
  3. Small things count. Holding hands. Stopping to hug. Being curious about your partner. Ask caring questions. Download the App, Gottman Card Decks. These are great conversation catalysts. https://www.gottman.com/couples/apps/
  4. Keep it light, have fun and smile a lot.
  5. Be positive and encourage each other with what you love and like about each other.
  6. If something tense happens, look after it quickly or choose to let it go until a better time to discuss.
  7. Its OK to repeat a date if you enjoyed it the first time.

So I’ve finally set aside time to date my partner. We have been married for 29 years. We kept making excuses for not being consistent in our dating. We would get a couple of dates in and then forget. Now we have both committed to the time and the research to go on regular dates. My wonderful partner is really into grand gestures which takes lots of creativity and work. Very easy to burn out when so much is put into the process.

My advice is to keep the dates simple. A walk can be turned into a date just by holding hands. talking or reminiscing about your relationship. A coffee date can be enhanced by looking into each other eyes and smiling.

This weekend our date was a visit to the local swimming pool. They have a spa pool. We also paid to use the sauna and steam room. A lazy lunch afterwards is a perfect way to finish a lovely time together.

Couple in Spa

Blessing


This such a good idea. I will start doing this today

The 60 Second Blessing HAPPILY EVER AFTER from Marriage365 on Vimeo.

It’s so easy to be crabby and say things that are unkind. Come on change atmosphere. Your family will love you for it.